I know I’ve been fairly quiet on this little blog for a bit, I hit a case of writers block caused by having one event play over in my head so often that writing about (and experiencing) other things has been near to impossible. While I’m nervous to publish this post, I need to get it out and I’m very much looking for advise and opinions.
About 2 weeks ago I had to make a big decision between following my head or my heart. Anyone that knows me will tell you that there was a time it wouldn’t have been a question at all, I’d have gone with my heart without batting an eyelash. This time was different though and I went with my head. Despite my heart and intuition screaming at me “Say yes!”.
What made the difference this time? Well, quite a while ago now I got infected with a little bug called self doubt, it grew and grew and grew. That doubt became an overwhelming fear that caused me to try to avoid the world at all costs. Eventually I started to realize how miserable I was and the only way out that I could see was throwing myself back into the world full force… that’s why I sold everything and started travelling.
Since then I’ve been told repeatedly to be ‘careful’ on my travels, to watch out of ‘dangerous situations’… But how do you know when it’s the Lizard Brain squawking, or when the best thing to do really is to be careful? And what does ‘careful’ really mean?
Does it mean I should stay away from ‘dangerous’ situations like taking rides with the locals?
I don’t think so, I’ve done that many times and while I remained extremely alert and closely watched the route being taken, everything always turned out wonderfully! Often I got to see stuff I would never have experienced had I not taken that ‘risk’.
Does it mean to never let anyone know I’m travelling alone?
Hmm… I guess I’d have to delete this blog then.
Does it mean ‘stay on the gringo trail’?
I’d rather jump on or off it whenever I please! Most of my favourite spots where the ones that non-locals seem to rarely visit.
Does it mean not allowing someone to get too close emotionally?
To borrow a bit of the Dalai Lama’s wisdom; “We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.”
Who knows what might have happened had I gone with my heart. Maybe I would have been hurt, maybe I would have been scammed… or maybe I would have found one of the things I finally realized that I’m looking for, the ability to place my trust in someone and open myself up to new emotions.
The saddest part is that I’ll never know, and that has lead me firmly back into the dark waters of doubt.
This whole thing has left me feeling very sad and shaken. My mind is swirling with thoughts of this and everything else I have missed when fear told me to say no. It’s made me wonder what I’m really made of and even question whether I have the courage in me to truly experience the world. (My heart, while bruised and very angry at my head… says YES btw, but not fully until I’ve dealt with this obstacle.)
Among the reasons I’m travelling is to learn about the world and myself, as well as overcoming fears… and this is a biggie! So, I’m hoping for advice.
How do you decide between your heart and your head? How do you know when to take that leap into the unknown and when to be ‘careful’?
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Bratislava, Slovakia
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
@segdeha
Wow, Catia, this sounds like a really difficult decision you had to make. I’d call this a “soul” decision because it wasn’t easy and you are left second guessing the path you’ve chosen. You know what, good for you! Good for you for making a hard decision, despite your doubts. Good for you for caring enough to struggle with it. Good for you for sharing it with the world instead of locking it up inside. Who knows, maybe something will change and this situation will work out to the satisfaction of both your heart and your heard down the track. Maybe it won’t. C’est LA VIE!!! I don’t mean that cavalierly. I mean, literally, that’s life. Sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes you wonder to your dying days how things would have turned out had you chosen a different path. It’s part of the beauty of the journey.
@solitarypanda
sounds like you should have went with your heart. no worries. there’s always a next time..
i always try to follow my intuition whenever possible. i believe it can lead me to both amazing situations and avoiding bad/dangerous/unsafe situations. the ability to judge someone’s character.. even though being judgmental is bad, you DO get ‘vibes’ off of people; good and bad. trust those vibes.
there will always be the naysayers who say travel is dangerous. that’s just THEIR lizard brains talking for you! don’t let it rule yours.
floreta’s last blog: Return to Innocence
@OverYonderlust
I think you have to really do a little of both. I say that, but at the same time live my life through my heart (I think I want to live vicariously and do some “responsible” thinking at some point). My family doesn’t get it. They really thought I would get over being a dreamer. But isn’t that the type of person most travelers are? Relishing in the thought that there are other places out there that push you to your limits? I say go for it!
But like Floreta says, trust those vibes! They are the closest thing you have and intuition is everything!
Erica’s last blog: Fuzzy Friends
I pretty much always go with my gut. Whatever I feel first is the way I go. I’d say my gut errs on the “head” side more often than the “heart” side, though.
Vagablonding’s last blog: Celebrate Earth Day with 10 Tips for Green Travel
@travelingsavage
I consider intuition to be separate from “head” and “heart.” I try to follow it as much as possible, but not for any good reason. Probably because I don’t understand it, so I put some mystical belief in its meaning.
Regardless, there’s no “right” answer. One way or the other part of you will be uncertain. I would recommend not making decisions because of fear if at all possible. You might want to dig in deeper as to why your head said no.
Good luck.
Keith’s last blog: Be the Excitement
@rioguzman
Hi Catia! You don’t say much about the situation in question so I really can’t advise you, but you have to look ahead now and forget the past. The fact that you are traveling alone means that you are capable of trusting people, a lot of people. And you do have to be careful. All decisions are made in the presence of Death. We have to take responsibility for that. Take care!
@rioguzman
And Keith is right: “You might want to dig in deeper as to why your head said no”. See You!
@VagabondRoots
Wow! thanks for all the advice and thoughts on this. It really means a lot to me.
“Soul decision”, I like that term and it pretty much sums up how it felt. I know exactly why I chose to follow my head in this one, fear… plain and simple. I’ll definitely be watching closer when that little monster starts making the choices for me in the future.
I’m hoping now that I do have to make life and possibly death decisions on a regular basis, my instinct and intuition will become stronger with each experience and that I’ll learn to trust them… and yes, I totally agree about vibes off people.
Maybe this was all for the best, after all, it’s made me ask a lot of pretty big questions and that was part of the point of taking off in the first place, to learn and experience. It still sucks, but you’re right, c’est la vie.
If you were this uncertain about what to do, then saying yes wasn’t the right decision. When it is right, you will know it without the agonizing. The decision will be obvious and you won’t have to weigh it so much. I realize there is the fear that another chance may never materialize, but it usually does. Waiting for the clearly right choice is a better idea than jumping into something you are not sure is right for you.
This applies to many big choices, such as which house or car to buy, which job to take, who to marry, and so on. If you have to talk yourself into it, then you shouldn’t do it, gut or no gut.
Sally is totally right! I just know you’re making the right decisions. It’s like my old “coin toss” theory; assign yes and no when it lands if you have an urge to call 2 out of 3, that’s given you your answer.
@jasminewanders
Hola chica!
The world is a paranoid place… some things are dangerous for some people and not for others. Some people never take risks, other people risk everything regularly.
For me, the most reliable source of information that exists in this world is my instincts. 2+ years of traveling, I have NEVER gone wrong trusting my instincts; even though from an outsider’s point of view, I may have put myself in vulnerable positions. My gut instincts always tell me when to avoid a road, a person, when it’s time to leave a place, etc.
PS – Self-doubt and questioning yourself is definitely a part of the journey – ride the wave
Jasmine Wanders’s last blog: Granada and San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua
I think I’d be a little leery at times traveling alone, too. But I’m with Jasmine. It’s all about the gut feeling. It doesn’t fail. Don’t second guess it when your gut tells you to beware. Don’t let your head get in the way of your intuition. Happy and safe travels to you.